Couples Counselling and Sex Therapy

Darwin, Northern Territory based Relationship Counsellor and Sex Therapist    

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Male Sexuality

Posted on 22 October, 2017 at 21:05

Traditionally male sexuality has been wrapped up neatly into two boxes. Heterosexually orientated or homosexually orientated. Generally, society has not afforded acceptance of fluidity as it has for woman. Infact, bi sexual encounters for woman is often encouraged. So why doesn't this apply for men?

Recently I have been aware of an increasing amount of men who wish to explore same sex interactions. Fear of judgement and loss of relationships make them go into a secret world of their own and seek these experiences. Often the secret world becomes discovered and relationships are lost regardless. Some develop mental and behavioural difficulties such as depression and compulsive porn use.

There are two boxes that are not often discussed or explored, bi sexual men and men who have sex with men, but who dont identify as gay or homosexual (MSM). It can be confronting for a man to question his sexuality, to question whether his orientation has changed due to his increasing  homo-erotic fantasy. Men find themselves with internal conflict around thoughts like:

 " If I want my girlfriend to wear a strap on does that make me gay?" or wanting to experience physical intimacy with a man I believe every person is different.

We are a product of our values, core beliefs and experiences so the answer is not going to be the same for eveyone.

There are men who experienced child abuse at the hands of men or had experimental sexual encounters with another boy as a child and struggle as an adult with fantasies about men. They desparately don't want there to be a link between these early experiences and their curreent sexuality. Researchers have not been able to find a definitve link.

I feel that when working with these clients it is important to have a clear understanding of their sexuality and how they see themselves as a sexual beings. To ask questions like:

"What turns me on?"

"How do I feel about those things?"

"What do I like about how I express myself sexually?'

" Is there room in my loving relationship for my sexual self?"

It appears the largest hurdle is for those men who are curious or questioning to accpet this about themselves before worrying about what the rest of the planet thinks.

I would be interested to hear about readers experiences and challenges.

Categories: Relationship Health, Sexual Health, Fantasy and Fetish

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