Nina B Therapy
  Relationship Counselling and Sex Therapy

              Darwin, Northern Territory, Australia based Relationship and Sex Therapist    

Latest News and Blog

Infidelity,..... unfaithful, ......words which most monogomous couples live in fear of. Educate yourself on this concept by watching renowned researcher and therapist Esther Perel give her TED talk


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Pornography Appeal

Posted on 19 May, 2015 at 2:20 Comments comments (0)

I have read and watched many programmes on the damaging effects that pornography is having on our youth. How it is distorting our views on sex, what is normal and what is healthy. The industry is certainly no longer in a brown paper bag, but even I still have a little feeling of angst walking into an adult store. Perhaps that’s part of the excitement.

 

HERE ARE THE THINGS I AGREE WITH WHEN IT COMES TO THE MARCH AGAINST PORN.

 

It is damaging to woman and men in the industry whether they engage consensually or are compliant for other reasons. Their bodies are pumped with sustaining chemicals, stretched beyond repair in some cases, surgeries to correct or enhance features that are normal for others and lastly, the enduring mental issues.

It is not a realistic representation of what actually happens in the bedroom.

It does distort what men believe woman want and enjoy. It does distort what woman think men can do and the size of a penis.

Porn does distort the notion of a woman having the right to control what happens to her body and whether or not she enjoys it.

Porn is not responsible for our sexuality. IT CAN, HOWEVER, INFLUENCE OUR TRIGGERS FOR AROUSAL AND THAT WILL STAY WITH YOU.

is not a disease.

 

WHAT I DON’T BELIEVE PORNOGRAPHY SHOULD NOT BE BLAMED FOR!

 

Pornography has been around since the early ages. It has lasted because it does speak to human arousal. There are parts of our animal instinct that taps into the power dynamic found in sex.

Let’s be honest, there are certain mechanics in sex. Something is going to be penetrated! Let’s stop freaking out about woman and men being subject to all this horror. It is just how it works. THE POWER IS IN THE ATTITUDE OF THE GIVER AND RECEIVER.

Porn is not there to teach us about real life sex because it does not incorporate the most important aspects of sex which are INTIMACY and EMOTIONAL CONNECTION! We alone are responsible for linking this to our sex lives.

Woman and men need to learn to be an advocate for their own bodies. Have the courage to tell your partner what you like, what you may be willing to try and what is not negotiable!

Youth need to learn that as they mature they learn what they truly get pleasure from. Just because it is on a screen it doesn’t mean you have to like it.

They are not gifts given out like candy. If a woman is not fully present mentally and physically enjoying what is happening for her, she will not be able to orgasm. If a man is feeling pressured, devalued or that his partner doesn’t really want to be there, he will begin to experience sexual issues.

 

It is incredibly liberating to take control of your wants and needs as sexual being. It is your basic right. Perhaps you like things a little outside the box, that doesn’t make you sick or a slut. Sex is an incredible bonding experience for two people in love. Explore yourself, explore your partner respectfully.

 

PS: Please please please don’t share private images or video.IT IS FOREVER!

Sexual Functioning Enhancement Supplements

Posted on 18 May, 2015 at 21:05 Comments comments (0)

Deborah Brauser, a medical Journalist for Medscape Medical News recently attended the American Psychiatric Association’s Annual Meeting. There have been some recent studies on supplements people may take for sexual dysfunction or arousal, although natural there are some concerning trends. Active ingredients such as yohimbe, maca, gingko biloba, and horny goat weed are linked to a number of psychiatric outcomes.

 

NEW YORK ― Ingredients in sexual enhancement products advertised and sold online are associated with several serious psychoactive effects, new research shows.

A review of 108 Web sites and other online resources showed that the most common of these products contained the active ingredients yohimbine, maca, ginkgo biloba, and/or horny goat weed. These 4 substances were linked to the induction of anxiety, panic, mood changes, hallucinations, and/or addictive behaviours.

"There are different compounds that have sexual enhancement properties, but they can also have psychiatric effects, such as acting as a stimulant or predisposing someone for a manic episode," Giovanni Martinotti, MD, PhD, from the Department of Neuroscience and Imaging at the G. d'Annunzio University in Chieti-Pescara, Italy, told Medscape Medical News.

The researchers note that they wanted to raise public awareness about the adverse effects of these products, most of which are not regulated. In addition, they suggest that clinicians should ask their patients about use, especially because additional adverse reactions can occur when mixed with psychiatric medications.

"The possible impact on population health, particularly among subjects with

psychiatric disorders, who are usually at risk for sexual dysfunction, may be significant," they write.

The results were presented here at the American Psychiatric Association's (APA's) 2014 Annual Meeting.

Drastic Increase in Use

Use of herbs and supplements has "drastically increased" during the past few years, note the investigators.

"Indeed, various sexual enhancer products, labelled as 'herbal' or 'all natural' and claiming to improve sexual stamina and enlarge penis size, have become increasingly popular," they write, adding that this is largely due to being readily available over the Internet.

"This phenomenon…represents a serious challenge from a clinical and a public health perspective."

 

Between February and July 2013, the researchers used Google to search 108 English and Italian Web sites, including e-commerce sites, e-newsgroups, chat rooms, and online video channels. They also used the Global Public Health Intelligence Network, which is described as a secure online "warning system" that monitors media reports in 6 languages.

After the most common sexual enhancement products were identified, the PubMed and PsycInfo databases were used to search for reported psychological and pharmacologic side effects.

Results showed that the products that had the most significant psychoactive properties were yohimbine, maca, horny goat weed, and ginkgo biloba.

Yohimbine, which can be extracted from a variety of plants and blocks alpha-2 adrenoceptors at both the pre- and postsynaptic level, is advertised as a treatment for erectile dysfunction, as a sexual performance enhancer, and as a weight loss and bodybuilding supplement.

However, it is also associated with the adverse effects of anxiety and agitation, as well as gastrointestinal distress, hypertension, and tachycardia.

Uncontrolled Availability

Maca (Lepidium meyenii) is a Peruvian plant that has been used as an energizer and to treat infertility and sexual dysfunction ― but it also contains a tetrahydro-beta-carboline acid, which may play a role in increasing craving and addictions.

Horny goat weed has been associated with hypomanic symptoms, as well as tachyarrhythmia and vasculitic rash.

Mistress Jadis

Posted on 18 May, 2015 at 21:05 Comments comments (1)

Recently I was interviewed by one of Sydney's top Queens of Kink, Mistress Jadis. Check out her blog:

http://msjadis.com/interview-sex-therapist-nina-b/

The Life of a Professional Dominatrix

Posted on 18 May, 2015 at 20:55 Comments comments (0)

Recently I was interviewed by Mistress Jadis about being a Sex Therapist and I thought it would be fascinating to gain a glimpse into the life of a Professional Dominatrix and her kink lifestyle. Take a look.

 

1. What made you want to become a Dominatrix?

I get paid to have fun! For as long as I can remember I've had an interest in kink and power exchange. I've always been fascinated by the Dominatrix archetype. The main drawcard of professional domination for me is the lifestyle – through my job I have the time, energy and resources to explore my kink interests and indulge my fantasies.

2. Is there a Dominatrix College? What training did you gain to become a dominatrix?

There are a few short courses of varying quality that will give the basics but there is no way to learn to become a Domme in a few weeks or even a few months. With that said there's also no one true way to train. Many ladies are self taught or learned through BDSM lifestyle workshops and reading. I was lucky enough to have received my training through a classical apprenticeship. I spent a year working very closely with an experienced Domme. I observed and assisted her with sessions as well as cleaning and other dungeon tasks while learning the soft and hard skills required, gradually taking on more and more complex sessions. Safety and hygiene are important parts of the training. As an independent Domme client relationship management, small business management, marketing and personal safety are also important. Nearly seven years down the track there is still plenty to learn and I'm always on the lookout to expand my skillset.

3. Why do you feel clients come to you?

My clients come to me to explore their BDSM fantasies in a safe environment. I try to provide a space where my slaves know they will not be shamed for their desires. There's common themes with the fantasies involved but everyone is an individual and is treated as such. People tend to seek out professional Dommes when skill level, equipment, discretion, boundaries and wardrobe are important. While some people who play in the local BDSM scene visit me many of my clients are not interested in becoming involved with a scene. These people want a safe space to explore kink with very clear boundaries in place.

I find that slaves and submissives seek me out in particular when they are looking for an authentic experience of submission with a woman who takes real pleasure in her kink.

4. What myths do you feel are believed by the public about domination and submission?

There's a lot of kink imagery floating around in the mainstream media at the moment which on some levels is raising awareness. Unfortunately we are not seeing much but outfits and props. Representations like “50 Shades of Grey” can be very damaging as they paint actual abuse as kink downplaying the vital importance of safety, consent and negotiation.

I've also come across the idea that kinksters are by nature abusive or damaged. There's some problematic ideas about masculinity and FemDom – ideas that male submissives are weak and pathetic or that they're all powerful, high achieving alphas looking for escape.

More specific to professional Domination you see people claiming that ProDommes hate men or are not kinky and just in it for the money. Some people may start a career in Domination for those reasons but the realities tend to weed them out quite quickly.

5. What are the biggest challenges for you?

Stigma. While I don't offer sex or oral sex in my sessions I am a sex worker. Sex work is decriminalised in NSW which means my work does not pose a legal problem. There is still a huge stigma around being involved with the adult industry that can be a real challenge to deal with. Unfortunately many people will immediately make assumptions based on the negative stereotypes that surround sex work. This can have huge personal and safety repercussions.

6. What are the biggest rewards for you in this profession?

It's challenging, fascinating and no two days are ever the same. People share themselves with me on a very intimate level and I have some amazingly close and honest relationships with my clients. As well as being erotic and fun kink can be a vehicle for healing and personal development for many people. I'm also quite self indulgent and have a lot of fun at work. It's always great to have an excuse to buy beautiful toys and outfits!

7. How do you maintain a healthy separation between your professional and personal life?

That's a good question because I am a lifestyle kinkster. I have two personal slaves serving me currently and a new boy under consideration who is turning out to be a real asset. Of course there is also plenty of vanilla interaction in my life with family and friends who are not involved with kink.

Professionally I find that my account management skills gleaned from past jobs serve me quite well. While I have a friendly relationship with my clients there are spoken and unspoken boundaries in place that protect both parties.

8. What would you suggest for people wanting to experience BDSM?

Start slow and do your research. Remember that kink porn is very much like vanilla porn. A lot of the safety precautions, preparation and negotiation are not shown. Research your areas of interest and make sure you are aware of the risks. Some people will enjoy exploring local kink scenes others won't. Many kink professionals conduct teaching sessions and/or workshops and are very happy to instruct new players. There's heaps of great literature and online resources out there.

9.What would you suggest people look for when looking for a mistress or master?

Integrity, impeccable consent and safety practices, connection and skill.

 

If you're seeking someone professionally look for a quality, established web presence, reviews, a range of photos (indicating authenticity), shared interests and a “voice” you connect with.

https://www.facebook.com/mss.jadis

6 Elements of Thriving Relationships

Posted on 18 May, 2015 at 20:45 Comments comments (0)


A well respected woman in the world of SexTherapy, Esther Perel wrote this simple list. I agree completely with these elements. She does not include sex in this list and perceive it is because if you have these elements in your relationship, the sex will mostly likely flow. If not, then you have the best foundation on which to work on the problem.

Six Elements of Thriving Relationships

 

We are wired to connect. So, how can we create the best possible connections (romantic and otherwise)? I believe that great relationships are often made up of these basic elements:

 

1. A FEELING THAT WE MATTER

We want to feel that we are valued, recognized, seen and cared about. We are creatures of meaning and we need to know that we matter.

 

2. ADMIRATION

Respect is important, but admiration even more so. Admiring someone implies an acknowledgement of the "other" and recognizes what is unique and specific about another person.

 

3. CONNECTION

We carry others inside of us and they carry us inside of them. This is the most powerful antidote to our existential aloneness. It also allows us to feel free and respect the freedom of others.

 

4. MUTUALITY

There is a sense that we are both looking after one another. You are there for me and I am here for you.

 

5. RECIPROCITY

You will be kind to me and I will do something for you, just because I thought of you am happy to have you in my life - not because of what you do or how well you performed.

 

6. TRUST

You can't play when you don't trust. Hide and seek is the oldest universal game. The thrill of hiding while knowing the others are looking for me. The more we trust, the farther we are able to venture.

5 Big Questions To Ask Before You Breakup With Someone

Posted on 18 May, 2015 at 20:30 Comments comments (1)

By John D. Moore, PhD taken from www.psychcentral.com ~ 4 min read

“Should I breakup with him?” That is the question that my client Carly struggled with as she sat in on my couch, moving her right crossed leg back and forth with a nervous, oscillating kick. “I think I love him – but I am not sure if he is right for me…” she added, as mascara ran down her cheeks. “I don’t know what to do?”I handed her a box of tissues to wipe away the tears.The issue of ending a romantic relationship with another comes up frequently in therapy sessions. It is part of the work counselors do to help clients figure out important life decisions. In Carly’s case, she has been dating a man named Ben for around five years. She cares for him dearly and has used the word love to describe what they share in past sessions.The problem right now is simply this – the two have been constantly bickering, grinding on one another’s nerves and feeling pretty much crummy about their once powerful romance.Carly’s concerns are similar to others I have worked with who come to the realization that things just aren’t working in their relationship. Common themes that pop up at this point include:

Is this person even right for me?

Are we having more bad days than good?

Has our romance effectively run its course?

Why am I still with him/her?

Is this what love looks like?

Given where Carly is both emotionally and psychologically right now with Ben, I thought it might be a good time to give her a homework assignment. I have found that many times, real therapeutic healing takes place outside of the counseling office and away from the clinical environment.What follows are five questions I asked Carly that you can use as a way of arriving at a decision about breaking up with someone. Bear in mind your answers to these questions can take time to uncover and that choices made in haste are never good – particularly when it comes to matters of the heart.Let’s take a look at them.

 1. Do we still laugh?Healthy relationships necessarily need to contain elements of humor. Without laughter and joy, there is little to balance the bad – such as moments of anger and frustration. And so ask yourself: Do we genuinely have fun when we are together? Are we still able to laugh with one another and somehow find the silly?If your answer is a resounding no, this could be an indication the relationship is over.

 2. Do we still have enjoyable sex?Sex in and of itself isn’t the most important aspect of a relationship but it does rank fairly high up there. Provided you are not buying into many of the common sex myths, the both of you should find moments of intimacy enjoyable – and meaningful. It won’t be the “4th of July” every time but there has to be some amount of snap and crackle going on (at least on more days than not).If time alone in the bedroom seems robotic, like a chore – or worse – isn’t happening, it may be a negative sign.

 3. Do we have similar goals for the future?Relationships that grow and thrive are involved in the constant process of setting and then reaching goals. Examples include planning for something minor; like a quick weekend trip during the fall. A major goal might be jointly saving for the down-payment on a new home.If there is disagreement on goals, that’s OK because at least there is dialogue taking place. If, however, one or both parties in the relationship are indifferent about the future and not talking about a shared vision – it doesn’t bode well for the future.

 4. Do we address problems through healthy dialogue?The occasional disagreement is going to pop up from time to time in a relationship. That’s the nature of the beast. But if the relational dynamic is in a suspended state of fighting, something is wrong big time. In healthy relationships, both people make an effort to actively listen to one another and resolve problems together. Is latter happening with you?If there is no effort to engage in meaningful dialogue that somehow takes into account the other person’s feelings, make a checkmark in the “not good” column.

 5. Am I caretaking?Healthy relationships strike a balance where both people involved in the romance help one another in a number of ways. For example, if someone cooks dinner, the other offers to wash the dishes. In unhealthy relationships, there is often a co-dependent dynamic whereby someone assumes the role of caretaker.If you are doing all of the work, paying all of the bills or engaging in all of the relational maintenance, you are effectively acting as that person’s parent. If it feels more like you have become your mate’s mom or dad instead of being their girlfriend, wife, husband and so forth – consider this a major problem.

 Final ThoughtsIn the case of Carly, she is still trying to figure things out. My sense is that she will likely give her relationship a bit more time. I do wonder on some level what Ben might be thinking. When I asked her how he might describe their relationship in the here and now, she was at a loss for words. This was a real indication to me that the two were not talking. I pointed this out to Carly and she completely agreed. Dialogue between the two was desperately needed.If you are considering splitting up, I encourage you to think about the questions I have asked here. Give each one careful consideration. Be honest with yourself and don’t try to sugarcoat any of the answers. There’s a great quiz here on this site that can help you assess the strength of your relationship. I highly recommend! It may help you arrive at some of the answers you are looking for.The decision to breakup with someone is never easy. Anyone who suggests otherwise doesn’t know what they are talking about. Once the split happens, there is usually an extended period of mourning. This point is particularly true if you live with your mate or are tied together in other ways. Dealing with the many losses is part of the breakup aftermath. It is for this reason you need to make your ultimate choice with care.


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